Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Revenge Of The Ghost Of Frederick Gustav

"...the thunder rolled across the hills, the lightning flashed wildly in the night. George stared out into the storm, feeling a subconcious shiver, hoping the power might stay on in the old house. He thought of his superstitious grandmother, who would have called a storm like this the end of the world. And then he felt it. He wasn't alone. There was someone in the room... a coldness in the air, and a bleak, despairing atmosphere... "George," the voice called out from somewhere behind him, the familiar voice ghastly and terrible, as if calling from beyond the grave. Which it was, in fact: it was the voice of Frederick Gustav, long dead, back on this Hallowe'en night, the thirteenth anniversary of the very night George had killed him and fed his body into the woodchipper..." ~ from The Night George Weatherby Died A Brutally Horrible Death, by Manilla Wild Elk

Hallowe'en is upon us, and I thought I'd do an image blog fitting the occasion, filled with ghosts, goblins, vampires, werewolves, witches, and cranky animals dressed by foolish humans. Before that however, some Hallowe'en related links for you to check out. Head on over to Norma's blog for a Hallowe'en tradition. Take a look at our joint blog, where our alter egos get carried away with themselves. Gina Adams has been spending the month at her blog with posts and guest posts about ghost stories, so take a look at The Life I Live. Also over at her other blog, American Small Towns, she's been looking at places this month with a ghostly story or two to tell. Take a look at PK Hrezo's blog for a different kind of haunted house. And I've got a Hallowe'en post at the photoblog, as well as City Daily Photo Theme Day for the day after, so be sure to click on the photokitty to the right.

As I'm publishing this blog early in the morning, come on back later in the day. Odds are I'll have extra links to share, and some extra images too. Now then, shall we get to it?

Oh, and the ghost of Frederick Gustav is staring at you right over your shoulder. Don't look, because if you look, that's when he'll be his scariest. Running might be a good idea though....

Monday, October 28, 2013

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Some links to see to before we get started today. Norma has some good news at her blogger page, and over at her Beishir Books page if you prefer wordpress. Have a look over at Lorelei's blog, where her latest posts are on vampires, and she's doing a giveaway until Hallowe'en, and a sale on her books as well. Head on over and comment. Shelly has been writing several days of flash fiction at Secondhand Shoes with a ghost story. And since I'm turning things over to the cat today, have a peek at more kitties, at Barbara's blog and at Deb's blog where Audrey strikes a pose.

7:35 AM. Awake. The staff is busy in the kitchen. Making my breakfast, no doubt. It had better be something tastier than field rations.

7:37 AM. All too predictable. I roll my eyes in dismay. The staff has put field rations in my bowl.

7:40 AM. After some great reluctance, I have started to eat some of the field rations. Staff, would it kill you to feed me properly in the morning?

7:43 AM. Out the door to survey my domain. The staff says something about coming back in a hurry. Oh, staff, your schedule means nothing to me. I'll come back when I'm good and ready.

7:55 AM. Out on my rounds. I hear that idiot dog somewhere off in the distance, howling like an idiot, which of course he is.

Just as long as he doesn't bother me.

8:25 AM. Back home. The car is gone.

Why does the staff feel free to leave without my express permission?

She must have gone to that work place.

9:15 AM. Stopping in at Mrs. McIntyre's house. She's good company. I find her out on the front porch, putting out garish decorations. Oh, yes. It's Hallowe'en. Hello, Mrs. McIntyre. Can you give a few hours refuge to a higher form of life cruelly locked out by her absent staff?

9:40 AM. Watching Mrs. McIntyre doing some pumpkin carving. I really don't understand the compulsion by humans to brutally vandalize pumpkins and turn them into these jack o'lantern things....

1:15 PM. Waking up from nice long nap by the fireplace. Time to see what Mrs. McIntyre has for lunch...

1:20 PM. Ah, this is living! Cold milk and fresh salmon. Mrs. McIntyre, you could teach humans lessons in how to treat cats as they deserve...

4:55 PM. Coming home. Have bid goodbye to Mrs. McIntyre with thanks for her hospitality and some extra purrs. I can see the staff's car out front. It's about time...

4:57 PM. The staff is busy putting decorations out front for the evening. I don't see what hanging skeletons have to do with anything, staff. If you want to scare someone, spray the front of the house with dog breath. Or even better, put a couple mannequins of vets out front.

5:15 PM. The staff is using a carving knife to decimate the front of a pumpkin. Humans. I'll never understand them...

5:30 PM. Finished. She's pleased with the result. I think the jack o'lantern looks like a growling dog.

6:15 PM. The human is cooking macaroni and cheese. Good comfort food. Her four cheese sauce. I'll have to rub my head against her legs and purr a lot. I like the taste of that stuff...

6:35 PM. The staff and I settle down to dinner. Indeed, she's given me some nice hot mac and cheese. For some reason, she eats garlic and cheese bread along with it. No, thank you, staff, garlic bread is the sort of thing you feed a dog. Probably explains their breath. Let me guess, using garlic to ward off vampires tonight?

7:10 PM. The first of the trick or treaters is at the door. Four kids, dressed like Minions. The staff is cheerful. Just as long as you don't start thinking of having any children yourself, staff....

7:25 PM. More trick or treaters. I watch from the front window. Strange costumes, kids with bandannas and fake beards. Oh, I get it, they're dressed like those guys from that pointless reality show about duck hunters. What is it with reality shows? And they've got a dog with them. Not the idiot dog from down the road, but like all dogs, wagging its tail and looking deliriously happy. Dogs are idiots.

7:35 PM. I inspect the contents of the bowl the staff is using as she replenishes it for more trick or treaters. Chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate. Why are all these bars that small? Shouldn't they be regular sized?

And why not use catnip treats instead for trick or treating? 

7:50 PM. Observing more trick or treaters. Wondering what parent thinks dressing a kid up like Miley Cyrus was a good idea.

8:10 PM. More trick or treaters coming up the walk. They have a dog with them. Even the dog is in costume. Looks like a pirate.

I never thought I'd say this... but I feel sorry for that dog.

8:55 PM. I take it the trick or treaters are done for the evening, staff? 

She's looking at the television listings. Mutters something about Dracula. Just as long as it's not zombies. 

9:01 PM. Oh, this version. Yes, while I suppose I can appreciate Gary Oldman playing the immortal vamp, and there's something to be said for Winona and Anthony Hopkins in this movie... it does have a rather big flaw. Keanu's in it. And the confused look he seems to have in his eyes, well, I'll just say it, staff. 

He reminds me of a dog.

9:40 PM. You know, watching that scene with Keanu and the three vampire brides on the bed, I'm compelled to wonder if the director brought a soft porn adviser in for that scene. 

10:10 PM. I wonder if the director was ingesting some illegal substances while making this film. That's the only reason I can imagine for some of these scenes...

11:12 PM. Big fight at the gates. The heroes are all trying to get at the Big Bad Count. Tell me, staff, how has Keanu Reeves survived to this point?

Oh, well.... at least this movie features a proper vampire, as opposed to one of those sparkly ones.

11:17 PM. And lo and behold, there goes Winona chopping off his head. Well, he had it coming. He had the audacity to lower himself to take canine form earlier in the movie, after all...

11:55 PM. The staff is setting off for the night. I find myself staring at that jack o'lantern sitting on the front windowsill. 

It still reminds me of a growling dog....